The Fan

The Fan is a normal, competent adult pigeon right up until kick-off. Then something changes. His attention locks onto the match with the concentration of a cat watching a laser pointer, and all other information is temporarily downgraded.

He knows fixtures, form, transfers, injuries, managers, grudges, pubs, trains, chants and which result from three seasons ago still requires discussion. He can explain exactly why this season is different from the last six, even when the available evidence is doing very little to help him.

The Fan is interested in more than one badge. What fascinates him is fandom itself: the loyalties, rituals, optimism, dread, tribal memory and astonishing ability of otherwise sensible people to build a week around ninety minutes of sport.

His mood can change with a goal, a refereeing decision or a rumour on deadline day. He is capable of describing a 1–1 draw as evidence of renewal, decline, corruption, destiny and poor finishing within the same conversation.

Away from the game, he is recognisable by the practical uniform: chinos, polo, proper shoes, keys on a chain and a team bobble hat ready for deployment. His superpower is simple: he can turn one football result into a complete theory of civilisation.